© 2019 by KRISTA KILEY

ME RIGHT NOW

A deliciously cliche deep dive of post-grad thoughts about my developing membership into adulthood.



I feel creative today. Yesterday I felt hungover. Last week I felt overwhelmed. So far, not so different from my collegiate career. But, in a much more real sense, everything has changed. (*dims the lights*)


I remember feeling incredibly depressed after my first week as a full-time woman. I think I mentioned the thought, "so what, we just do this forever and then we die?" to every person in my life at least twice, hoping one of them would reveal a set of keys that opens the door to a utopia where daily repetition in the form of indolence isn't a thing.


Only kidding. Kind of!!


In Cold Stone sizing terms my life is currently coming in at a healthy "Love It," but I'm searching for that "Gotta Have It" type of lifestyle where you're ravenously hungry and it's always a Birthday Cake Remix and they still sing when you leave a tip.

I consider myself really lucky (this is boring content) because I get to do something that I love with a bunch of wonderfully creative masterminds who keep these wheels a-spinnin' every single day. HOWEVER, this hungry hippo, it's still somehow not enough. I'm setting a few goals for myself this upcoming year; thanks to Olivia's recommendation via this blog post, my goals are not the typical resolutions your mom told you about, but simply a few overall feelings I hope to have when I wrap up this next trip around the sun.


I hope to feel:

  1. Creative

  2. Productive

  3. Healthy

  4. In control

The above 4 feelings are emotions I absolutely experience now, but not quite in the colossal quantities I'd like to. I remember being in college and being so aware of "how fast it goes" thanks to a reminder from, truly, every person I've ever met who went to college. While I do feel like it happened relatively quickly, having an awareness of it's longevity was a nice reminder to hashtag live it up and hashtag drink it down.


What every-person-I've-ever-met-who-went-to-college did NOT tell me is that this part flies by pretty effin' quick, too. Having now been working full-time for a whopping 7 months (which makes me an expert), I realize I'm nonchalantly allowing time to rush past me while I'm frantically stomping around my apartment because I'm late again or while I'm willfully ignoring a social life because I'm just really tired and stop texting me. College was like interval training where you'd sprint the straight aways and walk the curves; you're balancing school with a sustainable social life, but then cozying up at your parents house every few months for what's legitimately called a break.


There are no breaks in my new, adult sized womanhood, I'm sprinting the whole damn track. This part is okay with me as I like my life fast paced, however I'm now able to recognize the importance of taking control of my own shit, consciously, on a daily basis - to make sure I'm still living it up and responsibly drinking it down... because work really starts at 8am everyday, like they weren't joking about that even a little bit.